Learning To Heal After The Mockingjay A Katniss and Peeta Fan Fiction
by HollyHartleymermaidmagic1312
Summary: It's all over, the war, the games the deaths but now after it's all done, what else is there to do? Where is there a place to grow on and how will life pick up? For Katniss there is nothing to live for, not Prim or Gale or Cinna or Finnick, there's one exception though, and that's Peeta, but with scars and burns how will the two be able to heal each other after the mockingjay?
1. Chapter 1

After the mockingjay

I lay in bed, eyes wide awake yet as I search the ceiling, I find nothing; an empty stare. I hear my heart beating, and then I feel Peeta's warmth against my skin. I try in close my eyes but I know of what will happen. One. ..Two…I count various numbers in my head as I try to drift off. Three….four….mutts. Five….six…hijacking. Seven….eight…that's when the worst thought comes to mind; Prim and her deathly bombs. I hear a replay of them going off, of my own scream, of my heart stopping immediately. Suddenly I find myself choking on my own breath; I sit up immediately feeling constrained to the small room which keeps sinking in on me. Quickly, I slide out of bed, and run outside, falling through the door to the soft grass against my feet. As I run, farther and farther my breath goes further away and I find myself running only to chase it. Every sound drops except for my breath and the slapping sound of my feet against the ground. It's all welling up inside me as I crash to the ground, landing on my hands which begin to flow of blood in a near second. Slowly, I breathe making myself calm but I can't as I clutch my body and begin shivering.

This is a weekly occasion that I can't help myself to but I know Peeta understands. I feel his comforting hands on my back and my breath slows. He reaches out his hand and I wrap both of mine into his and hold on as tight as I can. My body slides into his arms and I feel the world become reality. "Katniss shhh, it's okay it's okay," he runs his hands soothingly over my cheek which makes me smile inside. Without another word I stand, taking in the woods, knowing I am not trapped and run my hand across a nearby tree. A flashback of the wolf mutts running through the trees sends me back and I recite it in my mind.

_My name is Katniss Everdeen. . I am in District 12. I am safe. I was the mockingjay. Prim is dead. But Peeta is here. I am safe…I am safe._

I let go of the tree and immediately the mutts go away. The air rushes through my body and it reminds of when I used to hunt in the woods with Gale. I miss Catnip but I am Katniss. I have taught Peeta to hunt and he has learned to be swift on his feet. We wander deep into the woods, but I never let the memories of Gale that I have disappear I never will let them just like he won't forget the memories we shared.

Tonight is a particularly hard night though because tomorrow is the day that marks Prim's death. One year ago exactly. Nearly one year I was holding her in my arms nearly one year ago the people who I loved were still alive. The words one year ring in my head until I force them away. I turn to take Peeta's hand and it is as though I am a little girl that he swoops me in his arms and carries me to our quaint house. My head is buried in his chest and he gently sets me down on our bed. We lie there while he holds me in his arms rubbing the hair from my face until I break the silence.

"Why isn't it hard for you, Peeta? Losing the people you love, yet you don't awake in nightmares like me."

"Katniss, you know they are nothing compared to you. Take my word when I say my nightmares are about losing you nothing else matters." His voice is sincere and pure as it reaches my ears. I turn up to him and he presses his lips against mine. The spark I felt on the beach rises in my chest and I close my eyes falling asleep to the thought of him.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I awake the next morning with the sun gently shining in on our room. The mockingjays sing right outside our window in beautiful tones that bring me to a happier thought than Prim's death. I hold on tight to my tears as I try to make sure they don't fall from my eyes knowing that Prim would have wanted me to stay strong. I don't want to move from this bed, I don't want to continue on with my life as there is no hope yet only darkness which covers my head and leaves a piece inside of me empty, unsure and unaware of the world around me. I feel the cloud lower in on me knowing that it is trying to force the tears from me, strangle me until they fall out uncontrollably. But I am stronger this, I always will be and I know that no matter what happens in life I will become stronger from the pain. It's that very pain that sits inside of me screaming until it finds a way out. My hands clutch the blanket on the bed and I try to think of the things in life I should look forward to, the things in life that will keep me going.

I make a list:

Peeta

I think harder yet nothing else comes to me, everything else that comes to me hurts from memories and what became of them.

Hunting. No.

Growing up. No.

Moving on. I just can't.

Then a rush of names goes through my head; everyone with a reason.

My father.

Prim.

Rue.

Cato.

Thresh.

Marvel.

Glimmer.

Clove.

Finnick.

Mags.

Then the strongest name goes through my mind, the one person who knows who I am and exactly how I feel.

My mother.

I picture her as I make my way from the bed, the bed which Peeta still remains, his eyes opening, only waiting for me to awake.

I stand, still as a statue taking in every moment, every second of my life as yet I find a blank page. The future, the life I would soon begin, the life I am living. I feel Peeta's eyes on my back, but I know he understands because for the next hour, I stand, in the same place as memory after memory hits my mind. Sometimes I find myself lost, lost in the thoughts but eventually I find my way back.

I drift over to Peeta's side, and instantly he wraps his arms around me, keeping me safe from any harm that comes and I feel his lips against my head sending warmth through my body. A thought; a need then pushes all the thoughts through my mind. It's a demand; a request that I know will pull me back together, heal the broken piece and put them back in their place. My voice is small and quiet but instantly the mockingjays sing again just as the words flutter from my mouth. "Peeta, I need to go home."


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

I stand at the ruins of what used to be my old house. The place where the fireplace chugged through the winter and the small bed that I slept in all my life now gone. They are only memories now; Faint pieces that have stayed hidden in my mind until I force them to come out. I hold the bright primroses in my arms, up and against my chest and close to my heart. I see myself, running through the endless rain which curtains out the world. With two burnt loaves of bread, I brush past the door and inside the doors saving my family from starvation. The light that picked us up.

I see Prim and I leaving the quaint house for the day which caused this all to happen. The reaping for the 74th Hunger Games. Prim pressed up against my side as we walk in silence to our future, the future which led her to leave me. My little duck now only exists in my mind. Her soft soothing voice which calms me while in District 13, her quirky little quack while I tuck in her tail. I break down as the thoughts build up inside my mind haunting me, while I grasp onto the flowers which are the only things holding me onto reality. I feel the tears sink out from my eyes and glide down my face dripping to the floor which holds all my secrets all my past, all of my own life. My hand holds my face as I try to pull myself together but I just can't, it's like trying to take back the mistake you made, the wrong words you said; impossible.

My legs buckle to the floor, and I take the flowers in my shaking hands digging a small hole underground and bury them within, now the beautiful blossoms are the only things shining through. My hands still hold the light creatures and I dare not to let go. "I'm sorry, Prim." More tears drown my eyes and I choke to hold in the words, trying to make my voice heard to Prim wherever she may be now.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me most." I sigh, unable to hold it in, "I'm sorry I let them take you," I begin balling hysterically now, the world only a reminder of my pain as I forget everything and everyone except the ghosts who sit by my side. "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you. I'm sorry my failure caused this all."

I turn, seeing her at my side, she runs her hands down my back and hold me tight against her. Then another figure appears, and another under it looks as though all of District 12 has ghosts by my sides. Ghosts that are here because of me.

"Finnick, Annie is doing better, your son, he's named after you and he is the most precious thing in the world. I'm sorry I stripped that pride from you." He nods and sits calmly by my side twisting his fingers through mine.

"Cinna, we won. I am sorry I was foolish enough to take that view away from you." He stands there and smiles, as though he were proud, even though he has no reason to be proud of me or anything that I do.

"Dad. Mom is alright though I don't know where she is. She stayed strong and I know she thinks about you all the time. Obviously, I failed though as you have met Prim once again. You saved my life in many occasions and I will never let the light of you die. I'm sorry I let this happen."

"Rue. My mockingjay. You are my hero. I still sing your whistle every time I see a mockingjay and I can't help but think of you when I see them soar through the sky. Your family has stayed strong and there is word that all your siblings are alive. I will visit them when the time comes. And I'm sorry I was foolish enough to miss that spear, to not step in the way of it, to let it take you from your life. I'm sorry, Rue, I'm sorry." She smiles, whistling to the birds and throughout the forest their songs light up the woods and I can't help but smile through the tears.

"I'm sorry to everyone. I thought that the Capitol was your enemy, but obviously the real one is me." I cried as every one of them began disappearing. From Finnick, whose hand dissolves from mine to Cinna who holds up a smile to me. I reach for Prim and my father, Prim kisses my head and heads off to the sky, and I scream as she leaves nothing but her past behind. My dad pulls me in for a hug, one that I have missed throughout too many years in my life and he leaves something no one else left.

"Be brave, Katniss, you're going to live a wonderful life, my darling. I love you." And with that, he's gone. And I sit in the rubble of the old house while the whole world seeps back into reality.

As lonely as I am, I feel a piece of my heart gone, torn from me, while another piece grows over the lost one. A hand sweeps on my back, pulling me into a hug, and I don't resist Peeta's love. The feel of someone I love by my side makes me feel somewhat comforted. Peeta and I hold each other as the flowers grow beneath the life that will begin from the one that ended.


	4. Chapter 4

Peeta's POV  
For the past few days I have sat in this position. The position of pain. The position of wishing to be dead, and her to be alive. The position of hell. I was in District 13, where they treated me in the hospital, but I fought them hard enough to let me be alone and cope by myself. I couldn't sleep, or eat, or even move. I was surprised that I wasn't dead because the pain in my heart felt strong enough to blow my body to bits. I couldn't believe I let her slip from my hands, she died in my hands…the hands that held her and loved her but weren't strong enough to save the girl I loved. She was my life and nothing could take her away from me until now and now I couldn't go on with my life, it felt impossible.

The doctors at the hospital here in District 13 have said I have gone mentally insane. I have blocked everyone out of my life and at times I have patches of rough screaming fits. It's nearly unbearable, but not as unbearable as loosing Katniss. That's when I feel my mind become tangled up, the thoughts disappear and I find myself punching the walls. I feel the howl seep through my throat and I fall back down. Back to the painful position.

I hear a swift knock at the door, and I pull my head up to see it's Haymitch and Finnick. Haymitch smiles down at me reassuringly and Finnick comes to my side. "Peeta, Katniss is alive," he says holding his hand on my back and saying the words loud and clearly through my ears. But it's as if those words are foreign. The words I never thought that I would hear in this lifetime and now I felt my body build up. It felt as though I was trapped in a dark, haunting tunnel, but I now discovered the light, the light to make it out alive.

I stood up calmly on my shaky legs, looking deep into Finnick's face, "She's alive…she's really alive?" In agreement, Finnick nodded his head proving what he said true, and making the most fulfilling words I have ever heard in my life ring throughout my mind. I took him into a hug, slapping his back and hollering her name in excitement. "Where is she? I have to see her," I ran to the door, but Haymitch grabbed me by my arm and threw me back on the ground without even trying. He turned on the small TV in my room which I had long forgotten about and faced me towards the screen.

It was another interview with Snow, his sick personality running its course through lies, lies that he spoke through gritted teeth while he spoke on about the rebellion. I almost hurled myself up at the screen in anger just at the sight of his face, and the sound of his voice. The slight pauses he made in between questions and answer and the horrible stench of blood I could even smell form here. But in an instant, there she was. Katniss. She was dirty and mangled, her hair cut down short and clothes ripped to chest. She held a knife which was clutched between her hands as she ripped her way through the floor. What scared me the most was her bloodshot eyes, which looked like she was crazy, but behind it all like she was horribly sick. She was stong and brave, full of courage which I knew would burst at any moment. "Hello, Panem it is me, Katniss Everdeen and would like to say I am alive, and obviously well," she nodded to herself as the crowd broke out in screams and gasps.

I just wished I could reach through the screen and take her in. I wished that I could take her from the scene and hold her deep in my arms making sure that no more harm would come to her, even though everyone knew it was only a dream. But I wanted to make it a reality. I wanted her to feel the best she could and not have to suffer at such a young age. But I could only stop so much, which weighed me down like a thousand tons crushing down on my shoulders.

That's when I went cold. I felt my hand rush to the screen and hold her close to my heart. Her knees buckled, making a horrible cracking noise as she fell to the ground. She had been tortured. They would try to break her with the pain, but we all knew Katniss could never crack under anything. In fact, she didn't even have an idea about the plan to get the victors out from the arena. We had no idea, so the Capitol would keep pushing her and pushing her without any information. Her face slammed agains the gound and you could hear her mumble through her tightly gritted teeth, "Peeta, wherever you are take care of my family. Please. And wherever you are, I love you and I am sorry."

Sorry? She was sorry? I screamed, falling down to the ground while I slammed my fists hard against the ground. That was my breaking point. She couldn't suffer so much and believe that this was her fault when really it was mine. It was me who let her die, who made me go with her down the hill, but why? Simple, because I couldn't leave her side, not in any situation, and now she was gone. I took a deep breath, pulling myself together, she's alive, she's alive, and I reminded myself she's here in District 12.

"I need to see her now," I huffed, pushing past Haymitch and Finnick.

"Wherever you look, she's not there, Peeta." Haymitch sighed through his teeth. Taken aback, I stepped back into the doorway, grasping the walls.

"Where is she then?"

"The Capitol."

"THE CAPITOL? WHY THE HELL IS SHE IN THE CAPITOL, SHE IS BEING TORTURED; SHE MIGHT EVEN DIE WE NEED TO GET TO HER NOW HAYMITCH, NOW!"

"Peeta, boy we understand that and we are sending out flights today, that's why we came here. We were told by the doctors that you weren't stable enough to handle this, and I guess they weren't lying, eh, Finnick?" Haymitch snorted, leaving the room. I ran outside, following him and trying to pull myself together. I began jumping in front of him frantically.

"No, I can handle it, please Haymitch I swear I can! She's my world, and I need to save her, please!" I begged, until he finally cracked.

"Damn, just come on then. We've got a long day ahead of us."

Katniss POV

I couldn't breathe, I tried to hold myself conscious but now it seemed nearly impossible. My eyes shot open, highly crazed and burning in pain. I screamed, and screamed yet they let me stay. I was losing my soul until I finally felt them rip back my hair pulling my head out of the water. I huffed in harder than anyone has ever before, trying to fill my lungs up with air, but they were so empty it took me multiple deep breaths for my lungs to finally feel fulfilled. My squeaky voice shrieked in pain, while men cut links in my shoulders and arms. The gashes filled with deep red blood which dripped on the crusty cement floor. The men ran the side of their blade through my blood, sticking it in my mouth making me taste my own life. And with that, they added more openings in the inside of my mouth almost choking me in the red blood which I coughed up onto the floor.

I wept while no tears fell as the guards kept breaking me in ways I didn't even know existed. I screamed in horror begging them to stop, but they just kept it going and with that made it worse. I felt them pull on my handcuffs and drag me on the cement to a bathtub. They striped me of all my clothes, and threw me into the water.

It was a cold sensation which took over my body, sending refreshing chills down my spine and for a second I felt relieved. Then the flames lit up. What I was in was not water, but acid. The liquid hissed at my skin, eating it up and spitting it out, filling me with a pain I have not yet experienced before. The acid dug into my flesh and veins, I felt the stuff course through my bloodstream and slip into my bones, numbing my body in gasoline and salt, ice and fire which crushed my insides. I howled, trying to leap from the tub, but the men held me down with all their might, making it last longer. They kept my head above it all, probably so I could watch myself dissolve into nothing. But they wouldn't kill me would they? Most likely not, probably trying to keep me to use against the ones that matter the most.

I watched in desperation, as my body curled up, shriveling against the acid while the skin came off of my body. The hair that was I the water came off with no resistance and I felt myself drifting away. I wish I could just die, die against this pain and never have to face it again.

With that thought, they thankfully pulled me from the acid, holding towels to the parts that they carried so they wouldn't burn themselves. They brought my naked, lifeless body to a metal table, setting me down on the rocky marble. I was still curled up, elbows on my knees, lying down in an uncomfortable scrunched up position. My eyes fluttered under the low light to an image of Peeta on a screen up ahead. I wanted to scream his name, to have him hear his name grow from my own voice but that was impossible, I couldn't move a single inch and I felt as though I was detached from my very own body.

The picture of Peeta popped up again, then a video which made my brain hit hard against my skull, The 74th Hunger Games. It showed every moment of every point of view from Glimmer to Thresh, showing every child's death in a slow matter, taking the grueling moments and wrapping them deep in your mind. I tried as hard as I could, to pull my eyes shut, hide from the pain but there was something forcing them open and I wasn't even able to blink. So I watched it all, the terror reaching every aspect of my mind and body making sure to terrify it forever, as though someone were doing this in a manner that was able to keep all the memories in.

When it was all over, every piece dodged into me, a familiar figure made its way up to me. Snow. He stood by the table, his face in the mold of someone who shows mercy and pity. He chuckled, the only noise throughout the whole cellar. "Oh, poor Miss Everdeen," he sighed, wrapping his fingers under my cheeks which sent horrible tremors through me. "What are we going to do with you, you poor, poor darling?" His voice made me sick but still, I was unable to move against his clutches. My body just wouldn't respond to me.

"See, Katniss, this is why you don't mess with the Capitol. Because look at you, all shriveled up and freezing to death. You're as attractive as a dying cow…Now Peeta wouldn't want you looking like this now would he? See, no one actually loves you my dear, because what is there to love? You're horribly ugly, your cruel and nasty, and wait; it was all just a game wasn't it? Remember that, Peeta loved you, awe, but now, not so much. Your mother, she never cared, and Prim, oh sweet little Prim how do you think she felt all those years with such an utterly disgusting sister? Hmm? Gale, yeah he couldn't care less after you destroyed his heart. And now answer me Katniss, why aren't they here to save you?" He looked to me, with his clinging snake eyes taking me in, waiting for an answer, but I couldn't possibly speak. In one swift movement he raised his hand, slashing my face like a whip, beating all the blood out of it with just his bare hands. "ANSWER ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!"

I groaned, screaming out my answer which took all my might and power. "Maybe if you looked more attractive, more people wouldn't barf at just seeing you Miss Everdeen, so why don't we perk you up?" Snow's voice grew angrier with more force, snapping at men who rushed to my side. They peeled me from my uncomfortable position, then brought out sharp utensils. "Why don't we get a video of this makeover just for your sweetheart who doesn't even love you, say hi to your beloved Peeta." Snow pointed a small camera at me, taking everything into view.

The last that I remembered was the sharp pain around my stomach and chest until I completely blacked out.


	5. Chapter 5

Peeta's POV

"Haymitch, how long ago was that video of Katniss released?" I asked looking up into Haymitch's eyes, lurking back to the thoughts of Katniss bursting onto the tv, and crashing to the floor. We sat high above the ground in one of District 13's fighter planes. I held a rifle in my hand and was drowning in all the equipment strapped to my body. All the other men in the plane wore the same thick black material that I wore but none of them fidgeted with their clothing as much as I did.

The crew to get back Katniss consisted of Haymitch and Plutarch who were in charge of central demands, Finnick, Gale and even Beetee who stared nervously towards the others. I wasn't ready, but I knew I had to be, had to be for Katniss.

"Little less than twelve hours ago," Haymitch responded. Twelve hours wasn't a lot, but it was enough to break her. I knew Katniss tried to be strong, pushed herself to protect the ones she loved but underneath it all she was just a helpless being. The Capitol probably cracked her the first chance they got. And that made me grip my weapon tighter as I heard us sneaking up ahead to the Capitol.

As scared as I was, I pushed myself to strength, nodding my head at Finnick, Beetee, Haymitch and even Gale, who stood up to shake my hand as we prepared to launch into the buildings. Haymitch and Plutarch began yelling serious commands while we went along with our plan. And with that I heard my name being called as I jumped out the the fighter plane rifle in my hand and the thought of Katniss near my heart.

Finnick and Gale found a passage that we took watching our backs as we slid inside, as they threw themselves down just after Beetee and I. I landed, holding out my gun with my multiple masks covering my face and shot down a few guards who caught a glimpse of our team. We dashed down many flights of stairs and gas filled corridors until we were greeted with the faint sound of screaming. Gale and I stopped in our tracks flinching at the voice in which those screams belonged to as we both ran harder than humanly possible to it.

We we headed down a vast cavern of cages which contained dead decaying bodies and bones from those who used to be. And this only scared me more. The screeching continued more and more, louder and louder until we meet ourselves with the most terrifying thing I have ever seen in my entire life.

Dozens of machines with every sort of function traced the inside of the dark and muggy cell. Around the ground, the floor was drenched in blood and liquids that could seep through any material. The squad tiptoed over the ground and we were greeted by two huge men who started stampeding us. "NOW!" Gale shouted as he and Finnick shot the guards hundreds of times before stripping them of their weapons and adding them to our own collection.

Without of luck, we turned instantly as a group of men began attacking our group,"GO GET KATNISS NOW,PEETA,NOW!" The words rang through my head in an instant they kept fighting on. I toppled myself over the bodies of the men and held my gun outright in front of me. I rolled under many of the machines and benches, trenching myself through bodies of water and gases that burned my skin until I saw her. I stopped, forgetting everything I already knew and tried to take her in. She was the lightest pale anyone could have ever pictured possible, as if she were a ghost. Half of her body though was splattered in her own blood, which leaked off the table she lay on. Her naked body continued having huge seizures and her body was disassembled, her arms cut down to the thread and her legs gashed down to the center.

I almost dropped dead right there as the picture of her swept into my mind over and over again but in a second I remembered I had to get her out of here. I grabbed her lifeless body into my arms and tried to warm her chilling skin as she shivered harder than ever. She will be warm on the plane, I reminded myself and trekked back. I ran with her body in my arms which was as light as a feather she probably hasn't eaten in days, and she only weighed about sixty pounds which scared my mind the most.

I caught the group up ahead, fending for Katniss and themselves and even me as their blood and sweat poured down against the ground. Just as they tackled the last of the troops we ran on, harder than ever before tracing our way back again running into the occasional guard and shooting him back down. I held Katniss close to my body, closer than I ever had not wanting to ever release her again.

But that's when the crack toppled me over. My artificial leg collapsed against the pressure sending both me and Katniss to the ground. I tried to pull myself up, but I couldn't and behind me the loud sound of boots chased over to me.

"SAVE HER! GET HER TO THE PLANE NOW!" I demanded as Gale pulled up her body to his and struggled on.


End file.
